I found out today that the one guy who has been through so much with me thick and thin, has cancer… I am so scared, and I don’t know what to even think. I knew there was a chance but never thought it would actually happen… I love him so much and I’m afraid of losing him, and that he is going to push me away… I need to be here for him, I need him as much as he needs me right now and there’s no way I can just step aside while this happens… He is invincible, he’s my superman… He just has to be okay.

The only two people who can make me feel better right now aren’t talking to me… And one of them is the reason I’m so upset… How do I fix all this? Crying in the kitchen at work isn’t solving a dang thing…

I was so in love with you… In fact I have been for quite some time… You made me believe that I was important and that you cared so much, and I’ve told you, it’s really hard for me to find trust in people, especially when you were in a cycle of great and then treating me like I meant nothing. I’m done with that. A part of me still loves you, and hates that I say it, but I need to be done. It’s better for me. I have been wasting my time on you for three years. Waiting for you to change, waiting for you to finally understand how much I cared. But it only took you a week to find someone else, and use my nickname for them. A week ago you told me I was the only girl you cared about, and that I was the only one you could trust to be there for you. Well you know what? You don’t do this to someone who is always there for you and that you care so much for… It’s not okay. I wish I would have learned before, because I’ve trusted you so much and was willing to do anything for you. It’s going to be hard for awhile, but I’ll get through it. And when you realize that you were stupid for letting me get away like that, I hope that I’ve moved on, and don’t give into your crap again. This is me, fighting for what I deserve. Because you were right all along, I deserve so much better than you…